make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
