Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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