If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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