I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
