Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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