sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
