this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
