who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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