the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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