dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
