i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
