Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
