I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
