I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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