Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
