I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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