I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
