Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
