He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
