i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
