I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
