I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
