Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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