Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize