Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
