do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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