atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize