Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize