Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
