I hope mine doesn't look like that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
