Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
