i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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