There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
