I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
