I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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