in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
