Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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