i can't believe i had my finger in that
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Randomize
