so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
