Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
