normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
