highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
