He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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