a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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