we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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