plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
