I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
