She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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