My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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