We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
