How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
