No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
