Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
