im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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