so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Boobs are out for the taking
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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