Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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