She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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