and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
