I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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