so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
