Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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