i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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