it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
