i wish my penis had a tongue
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
